This essay explores three key areas that have fascinated me in the study of flow: self-compassion, mindfulness, and how reducing self-referential processing can lead to cognitive harmony and the flow experience. I chose self-compassion because it links to many aspects of the flow mindset and framework. I will discuss how self-compassion helps prevent the destructive cycle of overthinking, reducing distractions and conflicting thoughts. The concept of cognitive harmony also captivated me, with the idea that thoughts can coexist with the flow of experience; the key is how we manage these thoughts, allowing presence to dominate. I will finish the essay exploring how ACT can foster self-compassion and flow.
What is flow?
Imagine a time when you were engaged in an activity, feeling deeply motivated, with a desire to improve and master the task at hand. When mistakes were made you felt compassionate toward yourself, accepting it as part of the journey. In competition you embraced and felt excited about the challenge with others, learning and growing together, confident in your abilities, and hopeful about the outcome. You didn’t overthink each move or action; movements were agile, quick to adapt, and in sync with the demands of the task. You saw opportunities rather than obstacles, where solutions presented themselves easily. Time slipped away as you became fully absorbed. You’re in the zone, and any pressure you felt was a privilege, it pushed you forward rather than holding you back. You could trust your ability and let things happen. You performed at your best, in a state where challenge and skill met, and everything just flowed.
Many have experienced flow but not always have had a name to describe it. It is the state of complete absorption in a task, where one feels effortlessly in control without the need to try (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990).
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion plays a key role in cultivating a flow mindset and preparing oneself to experience flow. It involves extending the same care and kindness to yourself that you would offer a loved one in distress (Neff, 2003a). Self-compassionate individuals are more mindful of their emotions, allowing them to maintain perspective instead of becoming overwhelmed by negative feelings (Neff, 2003a). They also recognize the shared human experience, understanding that suffering, frustration, and challenges are part of life for everyone.
Imagine a climber lacking self-compassion. After falling on the final holds of their project, the internal dialogue may look like this: “ I’m so stupid, I wasn’t even tired, I’ve wasted all of that training and time spent working it, no-one else would make that mistake”. It is easy to think these criticisms motivate us and reduce complacency for next time, when in reality they will limit our potential, creating distractions and conflicts and any pressure is seen as an additional obstacle. With pressure leading to distress and poor emotional health (Markser, 2011)- the opposite of flow.
In contrast, a self-compassionate climber might feel frustrated but maintain perspective: "It’s normal not to send every time. There will be other opportunities."
Showing kindness to their experience. This mindset keeps them focused on relevant cues rather than draining energy on ‘what ifs’ and self-criticisms. This reduced concern over mistakes offers greater opportunities to learn and improved coping of negative events (Mosewich et al., 2013). It also fosters a focus on self-improvement and taking responsibility for mistakes (Zhang & Chen, 2016). In fact, Lyon and Plisco (2020) found that self-compassion explains 18% of factors associated with flow, and when combined with mindfulness, it accounts for 27%. This highlights the power of awareness and self-kindness in accessing flow.
Mindfulness and Acceptance
Mindfulness as defined by Kabat-Zinn (2003) is the ability to stay focused on the present moment, with non judgmental awareness. Mindfulness is a key component of self-compassion- recognizing and accepting one’s experience is an important step to self-kindness (Neff & Tirch, 2013). It helps reduce emotional reactivity without avoiding unpleasant feelings or distorting reality. Mindfulness prevents over-identifying with failure, so instead of feeling like a failure, we simply acknowledge that we have failed (Neff & Tirch, 2013). Mindfulness and flow are deeply connected. A mindful approach creates the environment for absorption in a task, free from self-critical thoughts or external pressures. Studies show that mindfulness is consistently linked to higher levels of flow (Jackson, 2016), and mindfulness training has been shown to increase the chance of accessing flow and self-confidence (Lo et al., 2024).
Looking through the lens of mindfulness helps to explain how self-compassion can improve our mindset to foster flow experiences. Moving on to the next part of the essay, self-referential processing can help explain how self-compassion can help lead to staying in flow. We now dive deeper into how thinking less and becoming immersed in the present is beneficial.
Self-Referential Processing
Self-Referential Processing (SRP) involves relating experiences to ourselves, making them more relevant and meaningful (Meyer & Lieberman, 2018). In flow, brain imaging shows reduced SRP, specifically with less activation in the Default Mode Network (DMN). The DMN is active during self-focused and evaluative thinking (Rosen et al., 2024) and with reduced activation enables less mind wandering and absorption within a task, a key element of the flow experience (Van der Linden, 2021). Self-compassion helps by reducing negative SRP, such as rumination and self-criticism Logie & Frewen, 2015) which otherwise can pull us out of the present moment and disrupt flow.
For example, if a football player misses a shot and lacks self-compassion, they may ruminate on their mistake, constantly replaying it and feeling frustrated. This negative self-focus disrupts flow. In contrast, self-compassion enables a kind, non-judgmental response to mistakes, preventing rumination, making it easier to maintain focus on the task at hand. This creates the cognitive harmony needed to sustain flow, where the analytical brain doesn't interfere with performance. While thoughts still might come up, there is no need to become attached to them and create conflict. Instead there is a synchronicity between action and awareness and flow occurs.
How do we foster self- compassion?
We now know that self-compassion is important for flow, but how can we cultivate it? Self-compassion aligns closely with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a model developed by Steve Hayes that fosters psychological flexibility and optimal functioning (Yadavaia et al., 2014). ACT identifies six core processes: acceptance, cognitive defusion, present-moment awareness, perspective-taking, clarity on values, and committed action toward values. Research shows that ACT interventions can improve self-compassion (Yadavaia et al., 2014). ACT can help us develop the psychological flexibility needed to manage our inner world, bring ourselves to the present moment and lead more meaningful lives— including finding flow (Jackson, 2024). When we are kind to ourselves and accept our imperfections, we are motivated because we care, and have the safety to grow, take on challenges, make mistakes and approach our weaknesses. With this, flow becomes more accessible.
Flow is a state of optimal functioning, and self-compassion is crucial for cultivating the mindset necessary to achieve it. Self-compassion, fostering mindfulness, reducing self-referential processing and building psychological flexibility all help us navigate challenges and maintain focus. Whether in sports or daily life, self-compassion creates the cognitive harmony that allows flow to emerge naturally, enabling us to perform at our best. Next time you catch your inner critic, try imagining your thoughts as ‘leaves’ drifting down a stream—acknowledge their presence without criticizing or holding on to them. By accepting them and letting them pass, you create space for compassion, focus, presence, and for flow to take over.
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